Top Ten Spells That Never Made It


  1. Berman's Death-to-the-Caster.
  2. Power word, fart.
  3. Gelatinous Shell (immediately surrounds the caster in a gelatinous cube).
  4. Safe fall (like feather fall, but makes you weigh as much as a 12 ton bank vault).
  5. Polymorph Udder (a highly specialized spell which only affects female cattle).
  6. Stinking Klaus (summons a fat, smelly German business man, who chases your enemies while eating an Oktoberfest sausage and belching).
  7. Magnetskin (a variation of stoneskin - makes the caster's skin magnetic, giving all metallic weapons a +10 bonus to hit).
  8. Meatier Swarm (large chunks of ground chuck rain to the ground).
  9. Polymorph any Omelet.
  10. Fireballs (sets the target's testicles on fire - very effective, but a bit too kinky for TSR).

List sent to me by Mr.Lizard